Relationships and love are not for the faint hearted. Sure, there are moments where it is beautiful, and romantic. There are times where we are so overwhelmed by love for someone we simply cannot put it into words. But the fireworks cannot go on forever. It all takes work. I mean real work. In any real, honest, long term relationship there will be times of pain and tears. There will be disagreements and heart ache. There will be times of selfishness, and unkind words will be said. It is all water under the bridge, that builds over time.
Do you ever crave that feeling you had at the very beginning? When the waters were mere droplets of information about one another? When everything was new and exciting, and you held on to every single word each other said. When you asked questions about each others dreams and aspirations. When you wanted to know about their childhood, and their life now. Back then, you truly listened to each other, and felt excited to do so. You saw all of the good in each other, and every conversation or date gave you butterflies. When you would keep messages from each other so you could read them back and smile.
Do you remember the first time you held hands, and the anxiety and electricity you felt? That all important first kiss, which you had thought about for so long before it happened. Back then, this person was your whole world, and all of your desire for them totally consumed you. And they made you so, truly happy.
I think sometimes when we have been with someone for a long time, living together perhaps, dealing with daily stressors like work, financial worries, children, illness etc, it is very easy to lose sight of how we once felt for the person we share our life with. Even with all the best intentions, it is so easy to take each other for granted. And whilst spending a long time with someone generally builds a strong foundation of love, commitment and security, and is a much deeper love than that which we felt in the early stages, wouldn’t it be just wonderful if we could still have a little of that spark back, no matter how long it has been?
Ask yourself this. When was the last time you asked your partner a question about themselves? Something personal to them? Really shown an interest in who they are as a person, and how they came to be who they are?
We all know about the standard bringing each other flowers or chocolates home as a little surprise, and that is a lovely gesture. But for me, what I crave far more is for someone to show a real and genuine interest in who I truly am. For someone to ask me what has been the best moment in my life so far. Or to ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. To ask me what the best gift I ever received was, and why. I crave for someone to sit with me, totally undistracted, and to truly want to hear about my life and who I am. To ask about the things that make me tick, my values and passions. When was the last time you truly did this with your partner?
You see, I believe that spark we feel in the early days is caused by the excitement and anxiety of learning all about someone new. Working out whether we are compatible, and building that mutual respect and attraction.
I wonder if perhaps we could all get a little of that spark back, no matter how many years it has been, or how much life has thrown at us, if only we would take the time to learn all about each other again. No distractions, just pure, focused, and genuine interest. To show excitement to learn all the little things we may not already know. Or even to share stories we have heard before that bring smiles to our faces. Taking time to make each other feel valued will only increase how loved we all feel. And that must be worth something! Take each other out on a date, take a walk together, or promise to start always eating dinner at the table together. Do whatever works for you, just commit to some quality time and attention for each other. Love is truly the most important thing.
Sending love and positivity your way,