As many of us know, unrequited love can be one of the most heartbreaking, painful, soul-destroying things we can experience in our lives. It can leave us feeling worthless, broken, used and lacking all confidence we may once have had.
Now, this may just be me and my rather anxious brain, but for me this feeling of being unwanted or rejected, has always left me with some pretty long lasting scars on my heart.
Here are some of the lines I have heard before:
“You are gorgeous, I just don’t see myself with you long term.”
“You are everything I am looking for. I would love to find someone just like you.”
“I love spending time with you, and I am attracted to you. I just don’t know if there is a spark.”
Need I go on?!
After each of these “rejections”, I did so much soul searching. I would think long and hard about why I wasn’t good enough. I would ponder over what I could do to make myself more lovable. I would dwell over every single thing I had ever said, messaged, cooked, laughed at, or complained about. I would wonder if I was too pushy, or not pushy enough. Was I too affectionate? Was I too open? Did I not seem confident enough? Perhaps I wasn’t interesting enough? What if this was simply a test to see how much I really cared? Should I simply fight harder?!
And how many of us who have been unfortunate enough to go through this haven’t felt this way? How many of us can honestly say we didn’t search for a million faults with ourselves to beat ourselves up over, in order to justify why that person didn’t want us in the same way we wanted them?
For any of you currently experiencing this, or dwelling on that person who does not reciprocate your feelings, I have the cold, hard truth for you. Here goes…
It is not your hair.
It is not your figure (which is beautiful, by the way).
It isn’t your wonderfully strange sense of humour.
Nor is it the fact you still add and subtract using your fingers, (who needs calculators?!)
Truth is…it isn’t you at all. It is them.
You see, we are all incredible, unique and special in our own ways. We are all fabulously beautiful. We all have our own stories to tell, and we all have a really important purpose in this world. And do you know what? To someone out there, you are absolutely perfect in every way. You make their heart race, and their soul smile. You will know this person when you see them, because the adoration for you will be sparkling and shining out of their eyes as they look at you, and you will feel it’s warm embrace as that look touches your skin.
And this man or woman who just doesn’t seem to want a real, loving relationship with you? Well I say more fool them! Because if they cannot see the beautiful spirit within you, then it is them that will miss out on all the love you have to give them. That person who just cannot commit? One day they will look back and realise you were the kindest and warmest person they ever met, and now you are in love with someone else, who respects and admires everything you are. They will realise what they had, and regret taking you for granted. And by then, you will know exactly what it means and how it feels to be deeply loved by someone.
So please, I beg you, stop searching for flaws in yourself. Do not ask your friends and family to tell you what they would change about you, given the chance. Do not look online for tips on “winning them back”, or “how to keep a man/woman”, or “how to make him/her fall madly in love with me”. Trust me, I have looked up all of these things, and whilst Dr Google gave me various hints and tips, I can honestly say that not a single one of them made me feel any better, nor did it make someone love me who just simply didn’t. Be kind to yourself and never forget your worth.
And to those who have fed me these ridiculous lines in the past, and left me doubting myself? My message to you is this:
I am always kind, even to those who don’t always deserve my kindness.
I will give my last penny to buy a stranger a bottle of water if they are thirsty.
I am gentle and tender.
I love whole heartedly, and put everything I have into my relationships.
I am charitable, and spend much of my free time helping those less fortunate than myself.
I love the simple things in life, and am happiest simply walking beside someone I care about outside in the open air.
I pay my own way through life, and have worked hard for everything I have ever had.
Even when I am deeply sad, hurt and broken, I still always strive to see small beauties in this world.
And if I am not enough for you, or if I am not your cup of tea, then so be it! Because finally I realise…
It’s NOT me….it’s you!
Sending love and positivity to you all-remember to love yourself and be your own biggest fan. You are amazing!
Until next time…